I'm thinking. . . I really need a magic wand. Think of all the things that I (or anybody else) could do. I have a long list of personal things that I would see to of course, such as: paying off my bills, loosing weight, health and happiness for my family, more energy and less procrastination, a pain free husband, and apparently the list goes on and on. Wow, I must really daydream a lot. Anyway, after me, I would conquer the world . . . peace that is. You know, health care, feed the world, financial stability, Northern Ireland's break from England, that kind of stuff. But alas, I do not have a magic wand. What I do have is a boat load of crap that I need to deal with and try to fix with assistance from my closest friends and relatives - boy are they in for the long haul! Until I get relief, I am going to self medicate with a nice dose of Margaritas and friendly conversation with my BFF, now that should do the trick!

Tonight for clinical we had the ability to participate in a simulation lab, with a representative from the college, and our clinical instructor. It was truly a blessing. We were able to role play, and be in a position to ask questions that normally would be difficult to ask, because there would be a laboring mother in the room. The atmosphere was laid back, and one of the movies we viewed actually had me wanting to have a baby, so I could have that kind of a labor. Imagine!! The nurse was so calming, supportive, and encouraging to her patient - she made the difference in the woman's whole experience. That's what I want to do -- make a difference!

As far as the Time Traveler's Wife goes, we have only just been introduced. But so far it is intriguing I think there are many places it can go, and I am getting there, but slowly. I would like to see how she has developed the faith that he comes back each time. Anyway . . .

Passings

My thoughts go out to my friend VL today. Her grandfather died a few days ago, and I'm sure she must be having some kind of difficulty. When my grandfather died, I remember being upset that everybody seemed to be going on with life like nothing was wrong. They were going to and from work, out to lunch, and on with their days. Eventually I did too. Today is the day that somebody lost their loved one. The day that they are wondering why people don't just pause for a minute and realize that somebody is missing. It is also the day that new life begins, current lives are changed, and business just goes on as usual.
As you interact with people, do you ever wonder what is going on in their lives? What has brought them to where they are? I am trying to keep a positive tone when I interact with others, because I don't know what they are facing behind the scenes. I know at times I have been on the brink, and I ask myself if I would be justified in reacting irrationally - just because "I'm just a little unwell". But in the end I realize it's just not worth it. If I am not important enough to you for you to find out what is going on in my life, then you aren't all that important enough for an explanation of my action. But it still hurts.

But I'm Not Crazy I'm Just A Little Unwell
I Know Right Know You Can't Tell
But Stay Awhile And Maybe Then You'll See
A Different Side Of Me
I'm Not Crazy I'm Just A Little Impaired
I Know Right Now You Don't Care
But Soon Enough You're Gonna Think Of Me
And How I Used To Be...Me
(Excerpt from Matchbox 20 "I'm Not Crazy")

Umm Ya

Well, I did not follow my plan. I got to work, I was happy to see my friend MG, she gave me a pair of beautiful earrings for my B-day (I LOVE to get earrings), then things went downhill from there. I tried to behave, let things roll off my shoulders, umm ya, not so much. More like things roll off my tongue and right out my mouth!! I just don't know when to shut up. I seem to be sowing the seeds of irritation, aggravation and just plain discord. This all is in my attempt to make improvements to a difficult situation. Humph! Eventually I came to my senses and spoke to somebody (calmly and rationally too), who can actually help make a difference. Therefore little seeds of hope have been planted in me once more. Now we will wait to what type of fruit is brought forth.

In an attempt to free my mind from continuous reality and just plain stress, I have made a small purchase. I will start reading Audry Niffenegger's The Time Traveler's Wife . I have small amount of time and activity that I fully plan to utilize in full - to prevent the wasting away of myself, as I dance my way through nursing school.

Enjoy your day - Make a positive difference.

Finally Friday

Today, I took my first at home online test. I did not fail, I passed, and I did not cheat by using the book, or online power point presentation. Its nice to pass, but it would have been great to get an "A".
I am not prepared mentally for work tonight. I don't know if it is better to kinda shut down, and just go with the flow, or if I should be me, and act a I normally would. I like to be outgoing, and joke with my co-workers, but then, I let it all in and I am affected by the tension, irritation, and frustration in the atmosphere. I don't think I expect too much, but in comparison to how people act, I must. Maybe I will make my goal, a combination or compromise between the two, but how to do that?
Anyway, nothing to contemplative for the moment. Here's wishing you a great time, while your on your way.

A pleasant joy.

I thought I was smarter than this. Turns out, I have things to learn - hence the schooling. Well it is nice to know that I am not perfect, maybe a little more than average (I have to toot my own horn a little), but not lacking - for the most part anyway.

I had the distinct ability to feel the most precious thing on this earth yesterday, a newborn child's skin. She was perfect, lovely, calming, and she reaffirmed that there is joy in this world. Not caused by actions or behavior, but just by life itself. I often forget that, joy that is, and I am glad and thankful for the reminder.

Joy to you!

Happy Birthday to Me

I find myself wondering WTF? In a world where so many people claim to be good, professional, proactive, caring, and are in it for the good of us all, again I say WTF! While being told to "better yourself, better your profession, improve your finances, and increase your earnings, get a higher education - You Can Do It", they are really saying ya ya ya sounds good, good luck to ya, but don't let it interfere with when and where I need you to be. I did not want to start off on a sour note, so with three deep cleansing breaths, we will get on our way. . .


As my profile says, I am new to blogging, I am looking for an outlet for my thoughts While on the Way through life. They (my thoughts that is), are not all that astounding, but they are mine. You may have some of the same views, or opposing views, which I like to hear, and discuss. I may just come around to your way of thinking. . . it has happened before.

Has this happened to you? You go about your daily activities and a running dialog forms in your head, not of words only, but feelings mixed with memories, and contemplations? That's the way I think, with feelings, mixed with memories. It is calming, and demands the slightest bit of attention to analyze just where it comes from - and how to apply it. But when I ask my Love out loud if he thinks that way, he smiles at me and calls me a dork - so I dunno.